Tantric Massage and Hygiene

The biggest insult I have ever had to endure is a man who smells of shit.

Theologians like St. Jerome (ca 340-420) had an anti-sex agenda. Jerome advocated virginity as the supreme moral state, and urged women, in particular, to cultivate ‘deliberate squalor’ to ‘spoil their natural good looks’. The clergy saw washing as a sign of vanity and sexual corruption. I guess, Jerome, you would be revolted by my looks and my clean pussy. I am on a mission to lead everybody astray and corrupt the masses. Let’s talk about hygiene.

Most of us engage in sexual activities and think of ourselves as hygienic when we do so. And because we are adults here, it is important I reveal that many of you are probably not as clean as you may think you are. Believe me, this is my daily predicament and I have decided it is about time I dealt with this subject, not in the least my favourite, but vital. Therefore, read on and, please, do not be offended or deem my text condescending. My words have the sole intention of making your tantric massage booking as pleasurable as possible for you and for me.

Sex, while it feels great, is a dirty affair. When you are in the midst of the action, being proactive about your personal hygiene is probably the last thought on your mind. However, because of the invasive nature of my tantric massage, I can attest that around 60% of my clients still suffer from severe body odour after a shower. I harbour no blanket disdain for these clients, but as you can well understand, it is a form of vexation.

My tantric massage, as I have already explained, is very invasive. I can even recall when I was undertaking my sports massage course, teachers kept bringing to my attention how relaxed I was about getting near intimate areas and told me that was not professional. The reason is because I had been practising tantric massaging in a taboo-free manner for a number of years and was used to a very intimate form of tactile communication.

Without further ado, let me shed some light on what a proper, adequate shower routine consists of. My tantric massage starts by handling the feet. I will not go into details about how I manipulate your feet, however, you can be assured that I will use your feet in a way you will probably have not ever experienced before. You may well think that having a shower without rubbing your feet with soap will make them clean, but this is very far from the truth. Please, rub your feet clean with a flannel, warm water and soap the morning of the day we arrange a booking. Make sure you rub between your toes, and you rub several times. Rubbing without a flannel will not be as effective. This will get rid of some odour accumulated from all those times you have not implemented this practice. When you have a shower in my flat, you should repeat the same technique, you will not have a flannel, but if you did it in the morning, your odour will probably be less pungent.

The next part that you need to address is the whole area that runs from your perianal area up to the end of your buttocks groove, i.e. the intergluteal cleft, including your anus, of course. In the morning, you will soap this area and rub several times until you lather the whole zone well. Please do not rinse while lathering the soap. You need to rub several times first and then rinse. Where do you think you are going? Leave that bloody towel alone and get back to the shower, you stynkyng swyn! Now, you will think that once is enough—absolutely not! You must repeat twice, even if you are not hairy. Let me stress that this part of our body can acquire a very unpleasant smell. People do not realise to what extent the odour from sweat can decompose between your buttocks. If I had to find some descriptive words that are close enough they would be ‘sour milk’. It is repugnant, to say the least.

Once you have completed the buttocks, aim for the base of your testicles, your groin and penis. Repeat exactly the same approach as you used earlier. Pull your foreskin back, and do not be afraid to rub for at least 20 seconds. Rubbing is crucial in getting rid of any unwanted smell. Yes, before you grab the towel you had better repeat twice.

But, before I leave you in peace, we have one more area to tackle: the armpits. Funnily enough, this proves to be the least problematic area out of all the foul points, and I believe it is thanks to deodorants. Before you jump in the shower, put some deodorant on, yes, before. Soap does not contain alcohol, and putting some deodorant on will help you kill the bacteria. When you shower in my flat, I do expect you to use it as well. The reason I am also asking you to do it before the shower is to get rid of the deodorant smell. For reasons of discretion, you should leave me with your usual body odour. You will have another shower at the end of our session; it is another opportunity to get rid of the deodorant.

Please, do not underestimate the way I am trying to guide you on how to achieve good hygiene. Failure to do so means I will not complete all the techniques that comprise my tantric massage—this includes exploring your buttocks thoroughly with fingers and tongue. In addition, I will not accept any more bookings from you. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. Now, let’s enjoy clean tantric sex, shall we?

Below you will find a short video on hygiene practices in the old times. Please, do not follow those guidelines!

Nerea, an Independent Tantric Masseuse in London